theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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