I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
