nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
