I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
