His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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