I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
