did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
