Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
