I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
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I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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