she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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