I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
