She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
