I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
