how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
