I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
