you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
