is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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