Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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