$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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