Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize