I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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