Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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