also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
