guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
