when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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