I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
