I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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