You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
