some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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