..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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