saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
