we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
