it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
