I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
