The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
