i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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