It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
