He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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