I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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