I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
