just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
