We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
