Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
