hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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