We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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