You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize