I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
