i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
