Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
