Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
