She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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