Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
