She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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