I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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