my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
