nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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