I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
