I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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