The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
